Christmas Holidays

We have had a good time visiting South Africa at MCC retreat and back in Zambia during Christmas break. Since schools are closed, I have had a chance to think, read and refocus. It has been helpful to think things through, realizing I have 7 months left in my term with MCC. The time is going quickly, and amidst school breaks, it goes even more quickly.

Some of the fun things that we did while in South Africa were hiking in the Drakkensberg Mountains. We only did one day of hiking, but we divided and conquered. Dad and Josiah went one way, Keyana and I went another, Karlene took up the trail with her camera attached to keep her company, and Mom stayed with the vehicle. Keyana and Josiah were amazing, hiking for over 2 and a half hours. I did carry Keyana for maybe 200m, but otherwise she was leading the way. We kept wanting to go around one more corner to see what the view would be like - they were all great - so we ended up going a long ways. The mountains were spectacular, but quite different than the Rockies we were more used to. Not as high, rocky or cold. It was surprising how much grew way up high. We saw some snow spilling over the edge of the tops of the mountains in small patches. Josiah said it wasn't snow, it was nshima, the porridge served for breakfast.

Keyana spottend a dog on the other side, which turned out to be one of 40 baboons feeding in the trees that surrounded the path we had to walk through. Keyana and Karlene were not so eager to go through, but we made it, finding the baboons mostly ignored us. Karlene even got brave enough to take pics of some that were 2 or 3 meters from the trail in the trees. We could almost reach out and touch them if we wanted to.

My BA

It's a great misnomer that missionaries have it all together. It's so far from the truth that it's almost funny. But, it's not. The truth is that missionaries are just like everyone else. We are human, we struggle, we fall, we fail, we complain, we sin. We are not super spiritual, we don't have a special 'in' with God that enables us to do what we do. We are normal, every day human beings who are trying, to the best of our abilities, to work out our faith according to the call God has placed upon our lives. And maybe that's my problem. Instead of relying on God's strength and power, instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to fill me and work in and through me, I have been living trying to do it all myself, living to the best of my 'own' ability. Such existing only leads to failure, emotional fatigue, negativity and eventually burnout. As I reflect on these past 3 months in Zambia I am ashamed of how I have lived. I have a serious sin habit when I encounter stressful or difficult situations. Instead of letting the “joy of the Lord” be my strength, I give in to the temptation to worry, to stress, to fear, to complain, to gripe and to grumble. All of this results in my emotional demise and the development of a BA. Now many of you will wonder, what's wrong with a BA? They represent the hard work of an individual, their academic prowess and their accomplishment in securing a well deserved piece of paper, knowledge, status and those fancy letters at the end of their name. Well, this is an entirely different kind of BA that represents the failure of taking one's thought's captive for Christ and the prowess of the enemy instead of the diligence of the believer. It displays the lack of knowledge one has about God's faithfulness and power and the Holy Spirits indwelling. It does not lend itself to establishing status and instead of admiration, these letters at the end of one's name cause others to desire to be anywhere but in your presence. The type of BA of which I speak is none other than a Bad Attitude. This BA has a way of worming itself into your heart and destroying the joy and selfless and serving love it finds there. This destruction happens over a period of time, is not sudden, but is progressive and if not stopped can leave the heart calloused and cold, filled with selfishness, bitterness, anger and resentment. “Whatever is in your heart determines what you say”(Luke 6:45) and therefore, out of the overflow of such a heart, the mouth speaks things which sadden God. Instead of encouragement, words of condemnation are spoken. Instead of joy words of negativity. Instead of love, words of harshness. Instead of thanksgiving, words of complaint. Instead of praise and adoration, silence reigns. When this BA is alive and well, the person is not. Their emotions are given free reign and the temptation to worry, fear, gripe and complain is rewarded. The “joy of the Lord” is not their strength. With this BA, there is no joy. Contentment cannot be found and blessing after blessing is missed because the BA stands in the way.

So what is the antidote for this BA? I think it has many important and vital facets but I believe it can be summed up in one word. “Brokenness.” Now there's a word that the majority of us do not like to hear. To quote from Charles Stanley, “Brokenness hurts, and most of us would rather live without any seasons of pain. Yet during such times, the Lord often does His greatest work in our lives, reshaping and realigning us for His divine purposes. Jesus beautifully explains the principle of brokenness in John 12:24-25, where He compares our life to a single grain of wheat.”

“The truth is, a kernel of wheat must be planted in the soil. Unless it dies it will be alone – a single seed. But its death will produce many new kernels – a plentiful harvest of new lives.”

Charles Stanley goes on to say, “ If we hold a kernel in our hands, nothing will happen. If we carefully place it in a jar or on a shelf for safekeeping, it will just sit there indefinitely. In its safety, the grain will essentially be useless. However, if that kernel is placed in the soil where it's protective layer is stripped away, something amazing happens. Before long, a little sprout will emerge from the earth and start to grow into something different, useful and beautiful.”

These past 3 months I have felt like a kernel of wheat. I so wanted to hold my life and the life of my children in my own hands, place them in a jar and put it on the shelf for safekeeping. But my desire to be in God's will and be useful, outweighed my desire to be 'safe'. And so we followed His call to return to Zambia and nothing before has been so confirmed in my mind as it was before we left Canada that this is where God wants us to be.

Now God has taken these kernels of wheat and planted us in the auburn soil of Macha. Our protective layers have been stripped away and we've entered a season of change, adjustment, difficulty, challenges and yes, even pain. But I'm still waiting for something amazing to happen to my kernel. I see a sprout emerging when I look at my son Josiah and my daughter Keyana as they adjust to life in Zambia, as they make friends, as they laugh and play and explore, as they learn the Tonga greetings and excitedly try to use them as they pass people on the path to the local market. I see the sprouts poking through the soil of their hearts when they pray, thanking God for bringing them to Zambia and asking Him to make them more like Jesus. I see a sprout emerging from Anthony's kernel as he applies himself to a difficult and daunting task. Sometimes what he has been called to do seems impossible. And it is for him alone. But I see Him going forward in the strength and wisdom of the Lord, knowing that if anything is going to be improved or accomplished in these 11 months its going to be God working in and through him and nothing of himself. But then I look at my kernel still lying in the dark and damp soil of the reddish earth, with no sprout and no sign of growth. It has all the needed essentials, the water is there from the recent torrent of rains, the ground is full of life-giving nutrients, the protective layer has been stripped away as all familiar and comfortable is gone, the sun is bright and the days are hot and yet the seed still lies dormant in the ground. Why? I have realized that it's because my BA stands in the way of it's growth. My BA is keeping me from embracing this season of change and challenge. My BA is causing me to miss out on daily blessings. My BA has squashed my joy. It has denied me entrance into all God has planned, causing me to loose out on His divine purpose and from experiencing His work, His reshaping and His realigning in my life. My BA is keeping me from Brokenness, the very thing that if I would choose to embrace, would put to death my BA.

We are all saddened and frustrated when something breaks. It then becomes something to fix or to throw away. Brokenness usually involves some sort of force or wear and tear, both of which can cause pressure and pain. When something breaks, it usually happens at a point of weakness. So when we think of being broken ourselves, it makes us uncomfortable, worried and wanting to turn and run. None of us like to be seen as weak, none of us like to endure pain, none of us like to be thrown away. But brokenness from God doesn't see us thrown away, it meets us at our point of weakness and through the pain of being broken we are refined. Unfortunately, as in my case, we often do not understand God's purpose of brokenness and instead of welcoming it with open arms, trusting in the God who loves us with an unfailing love, who knit us together in our mothers wombs, who knows us intimately more than anyone else, who is good and faithful all the time, we meet brokenness head on blocking it with our BA's.

Charles Stanley goes on to say, “Probably the greatest obstacle to understanding God's purpose for brokenness is this: Most believers think of Christianity as something we do. We pray. We read the Bible. We go to church. We sing hymns. We give money. [We go on missions.] We do and do – and assume that's the Christian life. It's not. Authentic Christianity is about becoming rather than doing. The life of faith that God designed involves receiving Jesus into our hearts and allowing Him to change our habits, mindset, beliefs, interests, concerns (and BA's) so we become more and more like Him. This realization will change our perspective on the heartache we must endure. You see, when we recognize that the Christian life is about Jesus' persistent work of “re-creation” in us, then the role of brokenness will make more sense. It's the process the Lord uses to strip us of things that have become – or may one day become- an obstacle to our spiritual growth (like BA's). He also uses this tool to address issues we may have declared “off limits” to Him, such as unhealthy behaviours (there's those BA's again) or relationships we rationalize. God doesn't want to be Lord of most of your life; He wants to be Lord of all of your life! So He zeros in on areas of self-will and self-sufficiency to remove everything within us that relies on “self.” He uses brokenness to remove those inclinations so that we can live moment by moment, day by day, in full dependence on Him...Are you feeling broken today? If so, remember the principle of the broken grain. God has certainly not abandoned you; instead, He may be leading you into a season of radical new growth...Open up your heart, and ask God to reveal any selfish strongholds (like BA's) [and] let Him break unhealthy behaviour patterns.” (end of quote)

As I reflect on the BA I have acquired, and as I look at the ones I've had in the past, they all seem to come during times of trial and difficulty, seasons of stress and pain. And I wonder how much farther along I would be in my spiritual journey if I could recognize the season of pain and brokenness for what it really is. It's not something to complain about, instead it is something to embrace, not in a sadistic kind of way, but because I know the God whom I have believed and am persuaded that He knows me intimately more than anyone else and He is who He says He is. He is faithful, He has a plan for my life, not one of harm but of hope. He is good, he never leaves me, He knows what is best for me and He desires to help me become more like His Son with each passing day. A season of pain and brokenness is an opportunity to grow and to become more like Christ. But the outcome is determined by how I approach the season.

In the end it comes down to a choice. I look at my kernel of wheat and realize that I can choose to lie dormant in the red soil of Macha. I can choose to let my emotions reign, I can refuse to take my thoughts captive for Christ and wallow in self pity. I can choose to complain and gripe. Or I can choose to sprout, beginning in the garden of my own family and maybe at some point branching out into the gardens around me. I can choose to let go and let God be God in my life and embrace the season, accepting it for what it is: an opportunity to become more like Christ. To quote again from Charles Stanley, “Before long, a little sprout will emerge from the earth and start to grow into something different, useful and beautiful. Moreover, that new stalk will produce more grains that can be planted, and the stalks they produce will do the same. It's an amazing cycle of life, wherein a single kernel can lead to countless stalks of wheat. But it has to start with the brokenness of one grain.”

When we encounter a season of pain, difficulty or trial the question to ask ourselves is, “What letters do I want displayed at the end of my name?” The sinful BA or God's BA? The choice is ours. No one else can make it for us. I've decided to embrace brokenness and choose God's BA – Beautifully Altered.

Some words to ponder:

“Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.” James 1:2-4

“When God gives us promises, they are never really ours until we walk them out. The problem is, the promises given on the sunlit mountaintop...may not gleam as brightly in the valley of obedience when enshrouded by clouds of opposition [or darkness]. However, the end result of victory is not dependent upon the circumstances surrounding it. It is dependent on the truth of the Word of faith. Though circumstances seemingly change for the worse, the Word remains the same. Truth cannot lie....God knows exactly how much pressure and heat we need to make us scratch resistant. If our scratches are on display, or if we are clouded by sin, unbelief, self-centeredness and fear – we can expect more heat before we become genuine...When God is finished turning up the heat in the darkness of our trials, scratches won't mar the reflection. Cuts and blows will only serve to create a more beautiful jewel, a many-faceted jewel that reflects the wisdom and precision of the Master Craftsman...As we follow God by faith through the unknown paths of divine guidance, may patience protect us from aborting His plan when darkness hides the victory from view. Every great man or woman of God has learned that God is the God of the darkness as well as the light....Something wonderful happens when we decide we will not complain, we will not quit, we will not die. Something changes inside us when we decide to sing aloud, to praise with faith, to trust and not be afraid...because He is our God. For when we praise with faith, it lifts our hearts into the realms of divine truth...Therefore, be strong and of good courage. Arise! Go with God.” - Fern Willner

A tale of two cities

It's a quiet Sunday afternoon. Anthony, Josiah and Keyana have walked to the neighbours to see his collection of snake skins and I've remained behind in the unusual quiet to ponder our first months back in Zambia. In some ways it feels like I've run the gauntlet of emotions and that tells me that I'm indeed going through culture shock even though I've already experienced much of this before. As I sit here wondering how to express what I've been feeling, the words to "A Tale of Two Cities" come to mind. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

The best of times have been characterized by the sense of coming home in some ways, in the renewing of friendships and in re-connecting with former Choma Secondary students and seeing them still walking with God and being able to witness His work in their lives! The best of times have come in the form of the amazing beauty of Zambia, the greenness of new life, the torrential rains that soak the ground and make a way for people to survive, the vast expanse of sky filled to overflowing with gigantic and consuming clouds and glorious orange and red laden sunsets. The best of times materialize in the warmth of the sun on our faces as we walk to the market or on the trails around our home, the discovery of new bugs and insects we've never seen before and a turtle in it's den. The best of times are seen on the faces of my children as they explore and discover, as they collect items for their cardboard treasure box on the back step of our home, as they make new friends and come into their own and become who God has created them to be. In their prayers they pray thanking God for bringing them to Zambia, for the friends they are making and for their new experiences. The best of times materialize in the person of my husband who is working hard to come along side and mentor Zambian teachers, who has found the Headmasters to be excited for and accepting of his help and who is asking God to work through him this year to accomplish what he's been called to do even though it seems humanly impossible. The best of times have been those moments of being able to lift my voice in song with the BIC praise team at church and being welcomed and accepted into their group. The moments of kindness and generosity we've received through the gifts of fruit, vegetables and meals have been added to the best of times, along with being able to return and be a part of the monthly missionary fellowship in Choma that we started in 2002. More best of times have been found in the joy of re-connecting with the boys who were in the Reading Room and seeing Christopher and Forsta in their school uniforms at Choma Secondary School, being able to hug them and hear that they are working hard in school, have recently been given important titles and responsibilities in the student body and that they still want to be a pastor/doctor and mechanic! Seeing them come from the streets of Choma and being able to witness where they are today is a tremendous blessing! The best of times have been spent in chasing our children around the school playground, witnessing Josiah's school concerts, spending evenings playing games around the table and having family movie nights with popcorn!

The worst of times have materialized in many different forms like moving into a new but unfinished house and having a regular mess left behind by the workers which had to be cleaned and made it hard to settle in. Or not being able to unpack suitcases until mid October because there were no closet rods or cupboards. The worst of times have come in missing home, loved ones and all things familiar. Then regular power outages, internet interruptions and mopping up water from our leaking spinner washer or from the rain that came in under the door and reached all the way to the kitchen sink are added as worsts. They've also come in the challenge of trying to find where we fit and if we even do, wondering where and when and how God will use us here, feeling lonely and far removed from the hub of Macha which has made making friends and connections somewhat difficult. The worst of times have reared their heads in the stress of cross-cultural living, marital miss communication and the everyday frustrations of living in a third world country. Others have come in the form of wondering what on earth I am doing on the other side of the world, cleaning our home, doing laundry and raising kids, all things I could be doing back home in the 'safety' of my nice house, constant running water and assured power. Being a wife and mother like I was back home doesn't feel so 'missionary' like here on the other side of the world. Shouldn't I be out and about, busy in the community around me sharing God's love and compassion, being His hands and feet? The worst of times come in my struggle to believe and accept that what I am doing, being a wife and mother, is the most important thing I can be doing at this stage of life! It is the highest calling, worth more than any career or missionary work I could be involved in! And yet I struggle to grasp the depth of it's importance, to realize it's the call God has placed on my life for this moment and to embrace it with passion! The worst of times come forth when I struggle with the thankless tasks of cleaning a home, doing laundry and cooking meals. I fail to work at everything I do as working unto God. The worst of times present themselves when I am finding my security and significance in what I do or what I'd like to do and am not able to for a variety of reasons, than in Christ alone. And lately the worst of times show up in the words I speak, the bad attitude I have, the complaining I do and my failure to give thanks in all things.

Understanding and doing the will of God is hard. Fern Willner, missionary to Africa writes in her book, “When Faith Is Enough,”

“It often takes as much determination to stay in the will of God as it does to choose it.” This has resonated with me these past few months. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where we are meant to be but that doesn't make it easy. Fern goes on to say,

“It is only when we live in the Spirit, hear by the Spirit, and walk in the Spirit, that we begin to do the will of God. Hearing mixed with faith produces a walk of obedience.” Walking in the Spirit needs to be mixed with patient endurance as we follow God and carry out His will for our lives.

Hebrews 10:36 says, “Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.”

Fern says, “so the promises of blessing don't just follow the act of obedience! According to this Hebrews account, there is generally a period of testing between the time we act in obedience and the time we receive the promise. During this interval, patience is imperative. And it is often this test of patience that determines whether or not our acts of obedience will apprehend the promised blessings.” I so desire God's blessings in my life and upon our family but am I patiently enduring in the difficult times? It's easy to be patient when everything is running smoothly, it's another to be when they are not. In order to patiently endure, I need to die to self on a continual basis. But that too is hard. Fern says, “Obedience today may be disobedience tomorrow. At no point in my Christian experience could I become wise enough to live without daily dying [to self].” It's good to know I'm not alone in the struggle. Fern goes on to write, “God can use whatever means He wants to, to get our attention and to direct our steps, if we really want Him to...God does not want us to become bitter when we experience trouble. The difficulties we experience may be divine roadblocks to help us change direction....When we walk with God, the adverse circumstances of our lives are never an indication of failure. Sin, breaking the commandments of God, is always evil, but pain, suffering, financial reversal, or loss, may only be a means used by God of turning one's direction onto a more productive path. Each step will unfold with His divine provision in His divine timing. The provision of God is not dependent on our resources, and the ways of God are not subject to our approval. Our security lies in trusting. And no matter where we are, our faith can stand sure when it is based on the promises of God and not on our own understanding.”

My problem these past few months is that I've been leaning on my own understanding and my own strength. I've been focused on the worst of times instead of the best of times. Emotionally I've been like the unstable man described in James 1:6. Fern says, “if we would be unwavering, our eyes must be focused on the goal not the past, and on the promises, not the circumstances.” And therein lies the crux of my problem. I've been zeroed in on my circumstances instead of on the One who calms the waves. As I walk this gauntlet of emotions through the best and worst of times, my focus needs to change. Instead of looking down at life's difficulties I need to look up to where my help comes from, The Maker of Heaven and earth. Fern says, “when we turn to Him with all of our heart, we will find the real pathway to blessing.” That's the path I want to walk. The time has come. It's time for me to turn.

Lightning Strikes

Yesterday was a crazy storm. I had just finished playing soccer with the local team when a storm started; hail, wind, rain, hammered the surroundings. Water was pushed under both the front and back doors. Lightning was flashing, thunder claps vibrating the house. Josiah and Keyana were crying and we were not enjoying the lack of electricity and the dark storm. I was also concerned as we have a young man staying with us who had went for a walk into the bush and he had not returned yet. We finally decided to make some supper, so were at the sink getting a few things together, when there was a bright light flash outside the window and I felt electricity flash through my arm and chest. I yelled in surprise and fear, Josiah started crying and Karlene looked at me like I was strange. I asked her if she hadn't felt that. She said all she had seen was a flash of light. I told her what I had felt, Josiah immediately said he had also felt something like that. He had been touching me at the time. Karlene was very surprised since she had been inches from me. We sat down, tried to calm the kids down and prayed for safety. The storm continued for an hour of constant lightning and heavy rain. It was an unnerving and strange experience, and we are glad that we are all fine.

Time to Think

I have been a bit under the weather in the last few days. This is difficult, but has also been a blessing. Time spent at home resting, reading and recovering have been a great; I feel more relaxed. Time to help in small jobs around the house. Time spent with arms elbow deep in the suds have been appreciated (by others). Shelves are up as well, and more emails attended to. Finished an excellent book that challenges us to live out our faith as men - Courageous Faith by Paul Coughlin .

But I am still struggling with what I can focus on that would make the biggest difference in the classrooms of the precious children in the 12 schools that I am hoping to impact. I taught for 2 weeks in a school 4 km from our house. This experience was much more beneficial than first anticipated. Building relationships with staff was the main goal, but I understand more about the challenges of these rural schools. I have experienced teaching 38 in a class when there are supposed to be 54; most absentees chose to stay home as they could not understand English well enough to learn with me. This class is one year away from writing exams that are all in English.

I went to visit their teacher yesterday, but was disappointed to find that her and a colleague had gone to town for the day - going to town is an all day experience as it is 70 km away. You have to catch the public transport bus or hitch, both take a minimum of 4 hours. When I arrived I found the Gr. 6 students scattered, and as soon as they saw me, it was big smiles and shouts of welcome sir. After I discovered their teacher was away, they asked me to come teach. I was surprised, and told them it was after 1. They are done by 1:10 for the day. They still insisted I should come teach. I had some time, so I sent them to the room and followed. After a short discussion, I found they had only had a math lesson for the day, so offered to teach English. I told them to go home if they were hungry or tired; 10 stayed anyways, about 5 said they would like to but had afternoon tutoring to attend. So I taught letter writing format and how we would mark this in Canada. I presented them with the topic of what would you ask to be changed in your school if you were asked. They were not very free with suggestions as we brainstormed together. They seemed to be nervous to offer any suggestions. I made a few - more classrooms, lights, substitute teachers - this seemed to help and they nodded on all of my suggestions. They added a few of their own. Then I showed them how a letter should look, and what should be in it. They stayed for an hour working away. When one finished, it was one paragraph with quite a few mistakes, and interesting wording of sentences. But I could understand what the message was. I am careful to judge as I have experienced the learning of Spanish recently. After 20 minutes of revising and more suggestions, I told the students I had to go, but would collect their letters tomorrow. I was astounded at the desire to learn, that they would voluntarily stay after school one more hour. If they get the help, these kids can make it!

I have identified several weaknesses that perhaps could be worked on at once. Math skills are weak, students count on fingers when adding, subtracting or multiplying simple facts. Student textbooks are low on practice - very thin compared to what I am used to. English vocabulary and writing skills are varied, and half of the students are not really able to communicate in English. There are no effective provisions for remedial work in my opinion, despite all lessons being ability grouped.

It would be great to have a classroom of computers that are equipped with English learning software like Rosetta Stone. I did some Spanish learning with it, and it was amazing how it did not use any English, just pictures to teach the vocabulary. Pray with us that decisions will be made as to how best to respond to my experience.

Mentorship 101

I would have liked a course in how to influence others to desire growth and change when there seems to be little that you get back out of the extra effort and pain that come through the process. Even so, I have been blessed by the willingness of teachers to have me watch them teach and share some thoughts about the lesson.

One school, that has been neglected and left alone to struggle has been the best for me. They have welcomed me, and all of the teachers have invited me into their classrooms. I believe the principal may have encouraged them, but they seem to genuinely want to share ideas with me, and receive feedback. There have been a few lessons that were very good, and I had nothing to suggest. They were lecture style though, so I hope that they are able to put some variety into the lessons they give. But without any resources, it is a challenge to come up with other ideas, such as research projects or presentations. In fact, when teachers do assign groupwork, they usually give the group half of a piece of loose leaf.

Students do not know English well by Gr. 6, and by the end of Gr. 7 they must write an all English exam to advance to Gr. 8. This seems to be the greatest struggle, so I am challenging teachers where ever I meet them, to push speaking and reading in English. Too often they are tempted to fall back into local languages to increase student learning of content, but this lowers learning of English. It is a bit of a catch 20-20, you gain something and lose something either way.

One of the greatest tools that I am hoping to give them is a good grasp of how to teach phonics well. At this time, they do teach phonics, but it could use refining. I have found an expat who started a school here who is more versed in early education and is willing to give a 2 day workshop on teaching phonics.

Still the greatest difference I hope I can make is to demonstrate a real love for students and teaching, as there are many who may need to reawaken or find a God-given love for what they are called to do - I know I have had to re-examine myself at times. Reaching students is my passion and I believe this is why God brought me here. The following passage shows what a Christian school can pray, and I will be praying it for these schools.

Colossians 1:3-6 We always pray for you and we give thanks to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for we have heard that you trust in Christ Jesus and that you love all of God's people. You do this because you are looking forward to the joys of heaven - as you have been ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News. This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the workd. It is changing lives everywhere, just as it changed yours that very first day that you heard and understood the truth about God's great kindness to sinners.

Rural Schools

I have visited 4 rural schools in the last few days. Back in 2002 I found that Choma Secondary, a city school, had some deficiencies and challenges in resources and infrastructure. That prepared me for what I am now seeing somewhat, but it is still difficult.

Some challenges are 95 in one classroom with 2 teachers, most classes are more than 60. The schools need more classrooms and teachers. Some schools are having the Gr. 1-3's come after lunch, so some teachers are teaching twice in a day. They receive a small allowance for doing this. They did have textbooks but are always saving some for future years. One room I visited had 4 books for 32 kids. When asked to do something in the book, some could not even see the book. There are never enough desks, so some kids just sit on the floor.

I have also found classes sitting without a teacher at every school, because the teacher is not around. A teacher told me that when she went on maternity, other teachers are supposed to cover her classes. These teachers already have a class, so I doubt much filling in happens.

All of the principals and vice principals are teaching as well. Even so, they have welcomed my visits, and I have had to tell them immediately that I don't have any funding to build classrooms, teacher housing or buy text books. This of course disappoints them, but they tell me they are happy to receive any help I can give them. One school has me sharing some thoughts with teachers tomorrow about characteristics of excellent teachers. I am struggling with what to say, as the number one factor here is probably teacher to pupil ratio - imagine teaching every subject to a class, and being told that you are to make sure that every one of your 60+ students has achieved the objectives set for every lesson. I pray that God will guide me!

Surreal Landings

We are in Zambia!! We landed in Lusaka after our 11 hour flight from London amidst the hazy morning skies at 6:20 am. The haze comes from the smoke from grass fires lit by herders trying to speed the new growth of grass that comes with the rains in November. Josiah peered out of the window and asked breathlessly, Is that Africa? He is excited and filled with wonder at the prospect of being back to his homeland, having only pictured and video memories. When we step off the plane, I told him to take a big breath, and the smells of Zambia came back to us - the dry, smoky air, mixed with the scent of the trees surrounding the airport. Despite the lack of rain since the last February rain, flowers are beginning to show in the trees of many trees, that also are preparing for the coming rain.

We walk down the runway to the doors with the small sign overhead that proclaims, Welcome to Zambia. We are the last ones off of the plane, having recouped our 9 carry on bags that have challenged our patience and muscles over the last 48 hours. As we troup into the building, Josiah is wondering when we will see monkeys, lions and leopards. He sees a big sign that has a picture of a giraffe, which seems to reassure him that there are indeed many animals awaiting him just around another corner.

We finally caught up with the other passengers and find the line for visitors. The plane had been almost totally full, yet the little airport does not seem very busy compared to the Calgary and London airports we went through. We are soon asked to go to another line, that seems a little shorter. The nun wearing a vest that says she is airport chaplain assured us that it doesn't matter which line we are in. She soon asks us to go to another line that we can see is headed for the sign saying Zambians. We chat with a man who we soon find knows of Macha, our final destination - in fact he spends part of every year there doing malaria research and asked if we knew certain Dr's. We did, and I am amazed how quickly we are making connections in our ever decreasing small world! After a short wait we are past the serious lady, having paid the $50 Visa fees.

We go to the baggage collection area and immediately see some of our bags going around the conveyor belt. Last time we were here, we had to come back for bags the next day. This time though, we are blessed to see all 12 of our bags with the little red tags attached to make them easier to spot. It also helped that we were the last ones through the line. A man working at the airport helped us load our bags onto carts and we headed for the exit. The lady asked for our baggage tickets, but after checking 3 said under her breath that we sure had a lot of bags and waved us through.

We immediately saw Kathy Fast with the MCC sign waving at us. We were back in Zambia, and Karlene said, I can hardly believe it! Josiah and Keyana were little troupers on the trip, helping by carrying their backpacks and pulling carryons that were almost as big as them. They did not complain about the length of our trip or anything really. We were very blessed throughout the journey.

We are now in the MCC guesthouse, also the home of the MCC Country Reps. We are in the midst of re-orientation, a bit on the fast track since we were here just 5 years ago. We will be heading out to our new home tomorrow, and are looking forward to God showing himself again and again.

As dit be Harmon Neeshtaytish?

That was the first sentence we heard when Karlene answered the door today around 7:15. Karlene answered that she did not speak German, and the lady repeated the sentence - Is this where Herman Neustaeter lives? I came to help out, and answered the only Neustaeter I know close by is a Willy. The lady explained that she was meeting her brother there to look at a van to buy. I laughed and said that we had our van for sale. She looked interested so I continued. I told her I had wanted to sell the van but had not had time to advertise as we are moving to Zambia. She mentioned that she was not able to pay it outright, but wanted to do it by payments. I said we could definitely work something out. She left to find her brother, and I was not sure if I would see her again. I was amazed though that God would bring someone to our yard when we have wanted to sell our van but just have not been able to get around to it. It blew me away. I felt like God was again blessing us 10 times over for the small ways that we have been faithful in giving.
I phoned Dad and asked if he thought this would be a good idea, if he would be willing to take the payments. He was, but cautioned me to be aware that these types of arrangements are not to be counted on. I was OK with that, but felt that the lady was sincere and that God had brought her to us, so we were not to turn this away.
She did come back, with her brother who is a mechanic. After a very brief looking over, he advised her to make the deal. We did sell it for less than we wanted, but feel good about being able to help her out, and at the same time have a little bit of income every month for almost 2 years. Praise the Lord, He is good and faithful! Deut. 32:4 He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.

Singing His Praises!

"I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High...Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name...Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."
(Psalm 7:17, Psalm 103:1, Psalm 100:4)

God is good! God is trustworthy! God is Faithful! The words to one of my favorite hymns, have been running through my mind these past two weeks.

"Great is Thy Faithfulness, Great is Thy Faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed your hand has provided. Great is your faithfulness, Lord unto me."

If I had to pick an anthem for our lives at this point in time, this song would win hands down. God has taken our faith and stretched it beyond what I thought possible and at the end of it, He has proven Himself faithful! Why do I doubt? Why do I question? Have I not learned anything from how He has always faithfully provided in the past? I find myself described oh so well in the pages of scripture when I read about the Israelites and how often, when faced with difficult and unknown circumstances, they forgot what God had done for them in the past and gave in to fear, worry, doubt, mistrust and complaining. Why do I lack faith and trust, in the One who has never failed me and who never will? I have some serious 'growing up' to do! And yet, God is so patient with me, just like He was with the Israelites. He continues to prove His faithfulness each and every day and continually calls me to trust, and trust and trust again, never once giving up on me and never once failing to be faithful.

I share this struggle to help you understand why these past two weeks have my heart overflowing with His praises! I am overwhelmed by all that He has done! I want to shout His praise from the rooftop and sing His praises to all the earth!

Answer to prayer # 1: Earlier this summer we had medicals done. Some of Anthony's blood work results concerned the doctor enough to order an ultrasound. This really set us back with questions. Is this God closing the door? If it's something serious, does that mean we won't go to Zambia? Will we go and then come back if he needs treatment? It made packing and planning and buying tickets rather difficult and it felt like we were left hanging and all the while wondering if we should proceed or if we should wait. The doctor's staff went out of their way to find an ultrasound appointment for Anthony before September and on August 10th he traveled to Grande Prairie to have it done. We praise God that the results show that everything is physically normal! The doctor believes that the blood work results might be from the damage caused by the malaria that Anthony had in Zambia and our concerns have been relieved.

Answer to prayer #2: So, with these positive results in mind, we once again returned to packing and preparation feeling that God had kept the door open and was continuing to confirm the call to Zambia. However, now we faced the unknown of what to do with our house. Our time of departure was nearing and we still did not have buyers or renters for our home. We knew that we could not possibly carry a mortgage and be on missions at the same time. Another unknown. Another reason to wait and trust on God. Then last Thursday, we had a couple come and look at our home and now...........we have renters!!!! Praise God!

Answer to prayer #3: For a time it looked like we would have to travel separately to Zambia due to time restraints and cost. However, this past Friday we received an email saying that our travel agent had found us cheap tickets for September 7th instead of August 26th. This buys us more time to get everything done that we need to here at home, still saves us money, enables us to travel as a family and gets Anthony to Zambia in time to attend most of the initial meetings and workshops with BIC teachers and headmasters!

What amazes me is that these three unknowns all came to a head on the same day last week. It was Tuesday morning, Anthony was gone for his ultrasound and we wouldn't know his results for 3-4 days, our email wasn't working so I couldn't check the replies that I was waiting for and hoping would bring some answers, we didn't have renters, we had no clue about what to do about booking tickets and when I had called MCC Alberta the day before to find out if any donations had come in, I was worried when their response was, "no." I was feeling stressed and worried and my mind was full of questions. I wanted answers to the unknowns, direction in what to do and an end to the waiting. It was then, that a still quite voice inside, urged me to turn to my Bible and thankfully I heeded it because God spoke straight to my heart. I opened my Bible and was blown away by the divinely appointed devotional that awaited me! The scripture read, "I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word." Psalm130:5. Let me quote the opening lines written by Charles Stanley.

"Right timing is critical in a believer's walk with the Lord. However, trusting His timing in important decisions, uncertain direction, or pressing needs is extremely difficult when everything within us cries, "Do something!" Because we want action, waiting for God seems so passive. To wait for the Lord means to pause for further instruction while remaining in the present circumstance. It is purposeful, expectant focus on God - a choice to be actively still and quiet in our hearts, listening for His voice and watching for His intervention. The wait is not for events to work out as we want, but rather for God's will to be done."

Oh how well God knows what we need and when we need it! How well He knows our hearts! I sat back after reading this and confessed my doubt, worry and fear, chose to wait and trust and the resulting peace was amazing! By the end of that same week, we had all of the answers listed above and we continue to praise God for His faithfulness! We still have a huge unknown facing us and that is the finances to purchase our tickets. At this present time we do not have enough money to buy our tickets and to pay our remaining bills. We have enough money to do one or the other, but not both. And so we enter another period of waiting and trusting God. We know that He will once again, prove Himself faithful! We have already been incredibly blessed through a dear couple who gave us a $500 donation toward our plane tickets! So we are well on our way and trusting God for another miraculous intervention! Through all of this, we are learning to trust and have faith! We now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are moving in the right direction and that God is affirming His call on our lives and confirming His call to Zambia. How good it is to know that we are walking in His will and following the path He has set before us. We have stepped out in faith and we know that God will continue to be faithful!

I came across a prayer in Colossians 1:9-14 that we would love to have you pray for us as we return to Zambia.

"9 So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. 13 For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, 14 who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins."

We appreciate your prayers and support! You are a vital part of God’s Ministry! In Christ and with love, The Thiessens ~ by Karlene

If you would like to support us financially, please make cheques payable to MCC Alberta and enclose a note like the one below.
-------------------------------------------------------
Please use the enclosed donation for the support of Anthony and Karlene Thiessen serving with MCC Zambia. Thank-you.
-------------------------------------------------------
The address of their office is Mennonite Central Committee Alberta, 210 2946 32 St NE Calgary, Alberta, T1Y 6J7.

Flights Here and Gone Again

It is good to be wary, but sometimes you need to move forward. I have been burned by online travel deals in the past so I was leery of booking my own flights through an unknown small agency, who said that they specialize in missionary discounted flights - www.economytravel.com . I checked them out by searching for scams associated with them. I came up empty. That was great, as the price they quoted me was almost half of what the cheapest online quote I could get from all the big agencies.

The lady I dealt with was very professional and friendly, and I did not feel there was any cause for concern, but as the time came to pay for the tickets, I found it harder and harder to do it with peace in my heart. SO I decided to try checking up on them more thoroughly. I phoned Better Business Bureau, they had not heard of them. Economy Travel had a symbol on the bottom of their web page, IATA, so I phoned them after finding out they are a registry for travel agencies. They searched for a bit, and then assured me that they were legit. They gave me the company address, but it was different than the one on Economy's web page, so now I was concerned again. I phoned my travel agent, she assured me they were legit and had moved recently. She told me to phone British Airways, and walked me through some steps that showed that my trips were registered...but then came bad news. Our flights have been canceled.

I was supposed to have paid for the flights four days ago, but we were still waiting for a few things to fall into place, so I was going to pay for them today. Well, British Airways got impatient and canceled the booking. She searched for seats again, and the price went up for the same dates - $200 per person.

ON Monday, I will be paying unless I get cold feet again. I pray that God grants wisdom in this and that perhaps we can get back to the lower price again. God answers prayer, as we have experienced in the last few weeks, so I trust he will help us in this fun stuff of navigating the airways! :)

Tears and Teddy Bears

It was brought to my attention a few nights ago, that I've been a little preoccupied with preparations. We had a couple, who were possibly interested in buying our house, come for a tour. In the end it didn't work for them to do so and I didn't give it much more thought. However, when praying with Keyana that night, I soon realized that our little girl had given the days events more thought than I had. As she laid in bed, hugging her teddy big tears welled up in her eyes and in a shaky voice she said, "But I don't want other people to live in our house. This is our house." And then she began to cry. I was surprised and I realized that I had wrongly assumed that Keyana was oblivious to much of what is happening these days. I knew that Josiah had his share of fears because he's told us. "I don't want to go on a plane because planes crash, what if a lion eats me, they don't speak English over there so I won't be able to understand them, I don't have friends there, I don't want to leave Papa and Nana behind......" I was able to reassure her that wherever we go in the world, God will provide for all our needs, including a house. We wiped away her tears, prayed and she fell asleep peacefully. I came away with the realization that these changes are going to affect us all, even if on the outside it doesn't seem to and that we need to be diligent in helping our children make this adjustment. We appreciate your prayers for the wisdom, understanding, compassion and strength to make this transition a positive one for Josiah and Keyana. We pray that these 11 months in Zambia will bring us even closer as a family and strengthen our faith in God! ~Karlene

Peace Midst the Stress and Unknowns

Time is ticking, the countdown is on and yet we are so far from being ready to go. The stress is rising, the unknowns are still not answered and yet......there is peace. How can that be? We have no idea what we are doing with our house or our stuff, Anthony has some health concerns that need to be checked into, we're trying to finish some projects, our tickets need to be bought but we don't know if there is money to buy them with, we've hardly packed and yet life continues to go on. I wish there was a way of stopping time so that we could catch up! I feel the stress and yet there's an underlying peace that I can't explain. I know that God has not brought us this far to abandon us now. I take encouragement from these verses in Psalm 138:3,8, "When I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need...The Lord will work out His plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever." I know He's calling us to trust Him to work out the plans for our future and to wait on Him as He does. This peace I feel midst the stress is foreign to me, usually I'm plagued with worry in times like these. I now more fully understand the kind of peace that Paul was talking about in Philippians 4:6-7. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." We appreciate your prayers as we continue on this journey, one step at a time. ~Karlene

The Shopping Mall Angel

It was a whirlwind trip to Edmonton. A doctor's appointment for Keyana, a brace fitting for myself, connecting with family and friends, trying to find and buy a computer so that I can continue creating the Joyful Praise radio program from any where in the world and picking up items needed for our return to Zambia. I had no intention of stopping on my way out of the city to buy luggage but a Zeller's flyer on my cousin's table caught my eye and when I saw 50%-70% off on select luggage, I just knew I had to stop. The size of our traveling entourage has now doubled and therefore we have outgrown the number of suitcases we own. It was for this reason and because I was praying I could get a good deal and save money, that I parked outside of West Edmonton Mall, breathed a deep breath and headed into Zellers with my 4 year old in tow.

It ended up being a long day, much more tiring and frustrating than it had to be because of my all- too-often, crazy notion that maybe I can find a better price some place else. So after visiting 4 stores, stopping for more than one potty break, letting Keyana play on some kiddie rides to stem the tide of whining (which wasn't too bad, I was surprised how well she did do given that the day was incredibly long, boring and not quite the way an active 4 year old would like to spend it), and a lunch break, I finally made up my mind. Being that we didn't have a cart, the two of us tried to make our way to the check-out with mounds of luggage which was quite comical in itself to begin with but the laughter soon gave way to frustration. Keyana struggled to wheel two suitcases by herself and I tried to wheel three, as-large-as-we-could-get suitcases, through rows of merchandise, coming close to taking out a few displays and some customers as well.

With some sweat, determination and some luggage spills, we finally arrived at our destination to be greeted by a friendly cashier who rang them in at regular cost but took my word that they were on sale and adjusted the price accordingly. Then she tried to sell me a credit card to save 15% on my entire purchase which really sounded great but after the attempt failed two times and the line behind me was growing I told her to just forget about it, but did thank her for trying. As I apologized to the lady behind me she waved me off by saying not to worry about it and then asked where we were traveling too. I told her we were actually moving to Zambia. The guy behind her piped up and asked if that was somewhere near Iraq and I kindly corrected him by saying that it was in southern Africa. We had definitely piqued people's interest as we held up the line and then tried between the two of us to clear the area with 6 pieces of luggage. Not a pretty sight. But Keyana was a trooper and my big helper and she tried her best to pull two of the smaller pieces while I struggled with the rest. We managed to make it to the exit doors where I fit some of the smaller pieces into the big ones but was still having difficulty trying wheel three large suitcases with only two hands.

As we made our way through the entrance the alarm went off which only added to my frustration and mounting embarrassment for the detour we were creating by taking up a large portion of the doorway with our luggage fiasco. There was a mother and son who stopped to ask where we were going on our trip. I told them that we were moving to Zambia and the lady responded with incredibility lacing her words, "Why are you doing that?" My answer was, "Because God is calling us there." "Oh," she responded somewhat more subdued, "so you going on missions. What religion?" "Christian" I replied. Then her and her son launched into a time of sharing about how friends of theirs had spent time in Africa on missions, and although I appreciated their story I must confess that I had the urge to tell them that instead of their verbal antidotes, I would much rather prefer their physical help and assistance to get my luggage to my vehicle. But, I held my tongue, smiled and listened and thank them for their well wishes for a good trip. By this time I had the luggage balanced again, located Keyana who was busy pulling her two suitcases back and forth through the automatic doors and attempted once again to leave the store. But just when I thought we might actually make it, the alarm went off a second time sending us back inside to dismantle the suitcases to find the security sticker that was still stubbornly attached to our luggage. The son was still standing there and I secretly wished that he would offer his time and strength to help us make it to our vehicle with our cumbersome load but instead he offered more verbal encouragement through the words, "You might want to make sure all of those are off so that you're not setting off the alarm again. You don't really want them to have to come and take you....." He finished but thrusting his thumb over his shoulder as if to say "over there." I smiled and nodded and wished someone would offer to help us.

I piled up the pieces once again and we made it through on the third attempt without setting off the alarm. Keyana had herself so twisted up that she was dragging one suitcase upside down and I could envision the luggage being shredded on the rough sidewalk. While still balancing my three giants I tried to explain to her that she needed to turn the one suitcase around. She struggled to do so and people continued to pass us by as I tried to patiently explain to my sweet 4 year old what she needed to do without setting down my precariously balanced load to only have to assemble it once again. A trio of ladies were trying to make their way through the doorway that Keyana was occupying and just when I thought that they to would pass us by, one stopped and having heard my instructions, helped Keyana to turn the suitcase around so she could pull it by the wheels instead of the front pocket. My hope spiked as I thought she and maybe her friends would offer to help us but it quickly died as they turned and continued on their way.

Tired and frustrated, stressed and drained, I found myself crying out a prayer in my head, for someone to please help us. And just like that, there he was. He was tall and frail. His white hair and bushy eyebrows conveyed the message of age, time past and life experienced. The wrinkles gathered around his eyes and mouth and his weathered hands were somewhat gnarled. I didn't see him arrive but he was right beside me when I turned and he looked me in the eyes and said, "Would you like some help with those? I have 20 minutes to spare since I'm waiting here for someone." Having just forgotten my hearts cry born out of frustration and hopelessness, the first words that formed on my lips where, "that's okay, I think we'll manage." But I stopped short as I remembered what I had just voiced to God and as I did I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and joy. God had answered my prayer! I returned this man's gaze and as my sigh was replaced with a huge smile I said, "I would LOVE some help!" He smiled and proceeded to take two of the large suitcases from my hands, freeing me to take the one that remained along with a smaller one from Keyana. When he heard me say Keyana's name, he asked, "Did you say her name was Keyana?" "Yes," I replied. He grinned and said, "I have a granddaughter who's name is Keyana." It was a brief but warm connection.

We crossed the parking lot rather quickly and I turned to watch this kind man who shuffled slowly toward us, a slight stoop to his shoulders as he pulled my luggage behind him and my heart was touched by his obvious servant hood, kindness and compassion. He didn't ask me where we were going or why I was buying so much luggage. He just quietly waited as I packed the suitcases into the vehicle and when I was done I turned to him and shook his hand and said, "Thank you so much sir for your help." He smiled, "It was my pleasure." And then he put his hand on my arm and looked me straight in the eyes. His gaze was warm but commanding. I stilled because for a split second it was as if he was looking deep within me to the place where my fears and worries still try to dance their way through my mind. It was like he knew. And then he spoke two words that stopped the dance and ushered in peace. "Travel safely." His words spoken with a firm resolve, carried with them a prophetic voice that spoke the words, 'we will' within my heart. "Thank you" I replied. I turned to walk beside him to Keyana's side to help her in and as we fell in step I added, "You have been a blessing to us today." I looked up to give him one last smile, but he was gone. I stopped, closed my eyes and as the tiring and frustrating moments of my day passed before my mind I praised God for hearing my cry and then I breathed a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving to Him, for the shopping mall angel.

New Horizons - Familiar Sunsets

The waiting is somewhat over for now in one sense, now we are in the season of frantic preparation. We have been offered and accepted the position of Global Family Teacher Mentor with Mennonite Central Committee, a Christian development and relief organization. We are excited to see what God has in store for us, but also realize that it may mean trials and difficulties meant to see us grow and mature to be more like Christ. God is faithful and we are trusting that he will lead and guide us even as he has up to this point.
In a way we are setting out for a new horizon, since I have never before been a teacher mentor in such a setting and in a full time capacity. But it is familiar as well, since we are going back to Zambia and the town we will be working in is Macha, a 1 hour drive from Choma where we spent 3 years from 2002-2005 where I taught in a BIC high school.
Challenges we will face are: what do we do with our house? mortgage? we have 2 months to get everything together, as we will be leaving before the end of August. I think our next 2 months will be filled with so much to do and so little time. Pray for us please.

Anthony

Prayer Warriors

A turning point is often like a drop off a cliff - it is scary, feels like you could lose everything, there is no turning back...but it also is an opportunity to truly experience God in a new and amazing way, to get to know him better through faith steps. Well, we are at one of those turning points, and it is cliff like - but not that big of a cliff I guess. More to come, but again, pray for us please. Anthony

Waiting

At this time, as we begin a blog, we are waiting. This is a time that can be frustrating, stressful and worrying. It can also be a time to draw near to God, to develop and grow new skills, to be refined by the Holy Spirit working in us. A couple of verses about waiting that remind us to lay it all before our Lord are: ( NIV, emphasis added)

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

What amazing examples and promises. Ask and wait; wait in expectation of how the Lord will answer! Because he will answer, not always when and how we hope, but the answer is coming. Therefore we can be strong and take heart. We can wait knowing that all will happen according to his perfect timing in the best possible way.

So you may be wondering, what are the Thiessens waiting for? We are seeking God's guidance in the possibility of joining in what he is doing overseas by ourselves serving overseas as full-time missionaries. We are currently looking at 3 organizations that we feel we could work with. This is perhaps the hardest part for me, Anthony, as I do like all 3, but really would like God to show us which one we should pursue fully.

We would appreciate your prayers as you think of us!!