I've been meaning to write about this ever since it happened, but daily life gets in the way of carving out time to sit and reflect and compose my thoughts on paper. Today I've found a little pocket of time to share an experience we had on New Years Day. Let me take you back in time and as I do, I hope you are blessed and challenged, like I was, through the faith and example of my children.
It all began Christmas morning when they announced in church that the following Saturday, January 1st, 2011, we were to meet at the hospital with items to give away. We were told we could bring clothes, food, toiletries, soap, toys, books or whatever God laid on our hearts to give to bless those in the hospital. I came to understand that this is something the church does annually on the first of each new year. As I was pondering how we could be involved, God brought to mind a conversation I had with a friend from Canada. She had encouraged me to look for opportunities where we could serve together as a family. She felt that in doing so, our children would get to do 'missions' and feel a part of God's call to Zambia, instead of it just being for mommy and daddy. As I thought about the churches upcoming outreach, my friends wise advice came to mind and I realized that here was such an opportunity. A wonderful chance for us as a family to gather together items from our home and to give them away to bless others.
And so we did. We weren't making a trip to Choma for groceries that week so I went through our cupboards and pulled out numerous food items that I knew would be of benefit. We sorted through clothes and took out items that were in good condition but didn't fit anymore and added those to the pile. Then I encouraged Josiah and Keyana with the idea of going through their toys and setting aside some to give away to children in the hospital. I told them I thought this was a good idea but that I wasn't going to force them to, because I wanted them to give with happy and willing hearts. I left it with them and wondered what would become of such a thought.
The few toys we brought with us in no way compares to the many toys our children have back home in Canada. But this so called 'small amount' is still so much more than any Zambian child has or will ever hope to have. How is that even fair or right? How come we were born in a 'have' country when others were born into 'have not's?' It's hard to wrap my mind around the overabundance of material possessions and waste we have in 1st world countries, and our own home, when compared with the disparity I see around me. And yet the fortitude, faith and generosity that shines through here in Zambia, despite people's difficult and impoverished circumstances amazes me! There's so much more I could say about this, but it's another thought to tackle in another blog.
As I continued to add to the pile of groceries, Josiah and Keyana started coming out of their room with toys to give away. It was more difficult for Josiah to part with some of his toys then it was for Keyana. He tends to be a bit like me in this regard. Some things are really easy to give away and other more treasured and sentimental possessions are difficult to let go. Keyana, on the other hand, would have probably given all her toys if I had let her. So I tried to encourage Josiah to give more and cautioned Keyana to keep a few toys, for our remaining months in Zambia, which we would part with when it was time for us to return to Canada. That seemed to suffice and they returned to their room to discover more 'treasures' to give away. With each toy they brought, whether it was a ball, or cars/trucks, a purse or sweets they had got at Christmas, a toy cell phone or animal figurines, my little ponies or VBS verse buddies, polly pockets or a package of balloons, I had no problem seeing them placed on the pile. We even collected stickers, sorted through crayons and made up sets of different colours to give away with a big stack of paper. I was feeling great about our family activity, excited that we could do this together, good about what we were donating and then........Keyana shattered my veneer of giving with the bomb of her deep-seated, heart-birthed, honest, selfless generosity and I learned an important lesson in the process.
“Mommy, I want to give my baby Sally away to a little girl in the hospital.” I turned to the voice that had just spoken and there beside me was Keyana holding her brown doll close to her heart. This was the doll that we had given her for Christmas the previous year. It was still in immaculate shape because Keyana was quite the little mother. She loved to dress her, hold her, wrap her up in blankets and rock her to sleep. Few days would pass, when she wasn't asking for me to tie baby Sally on her back with the mini chetengaes I had made for her. Then there were those times when Keyana and I would share a mommy-daughter moment, brushing and braiding Sally's hair, adding clips and beads to make it pretty. This wasn't just any doll, it was special. Keyana treasured it, played with it and slept with it every night. All of these thoughts passed through my mind and my sentimental side rose up to answer with a firm, “No, you can't give this doll away.” But the words were stopped by the thought, “do i want to be the one to squash my daughter's selfless heart?” The obvious answer was “no.” Instead I asked her, “are you sure you want to give baby Sally away?” trying to persuade her to do otherwise but she firmly shook her head, squared her shoulders and resolutely pronounced, “Yes. I want to give her away to a little girl in the hospital.” Again I wanted to convince her to keep her special doll. But why? Why was it so hard for me to see her want to give her away? Not only was I humbled by my daughter's example of generosity, I was also challenged to take a look at myself and in that moment of self-reflection, was ashamed to see my selfishness starring back at me. Why do I struggle to give with abandon? What keeps me from being truly generous? Why do I hold onto things so tightly? The answer? Because I'm incredibly selfish!
Sometimes pride rears it's ugly head and I begin to think that I'm a giving person. I enjoy putting shoe boxes together, giving clothes away to those in need, cooking meals for others, donating items, making school kits and the list goes on. But these things are easy to do. When was the last time that I gave so much that it actually hurt? When was the last time I gave where it cost me something? When was the last time I gave to the point where my faith was tested so that I had to completely trust God for the outcome?
And what would I be teaching my daughter if I said no? That it's okay to give away things we don't care about and to keep the best for ourselves?
How often don't I come to God like that, willing to part with only a little here, a little there, with things I don't really need or use, but not with the most expensive, or the most special or the most treasured? How often do I give God and others my worst, instead of my best? Over and over again, I come to Him with the leftovers of my day, my time, my focus, my gifts, my talents, my desire......content to let other things consume me and draw me farther from Him and from the servant He calls me to be.
As I looked at Keyana, clutching baby Sally to her chest, a smile on her face and her mind made up to bless another little girl with her most precious doll, tears came to my eyes. I was humbled by her generosity and her faith. She was willing to give away the doll she loved and would miss. She was willing to give even though it hurt. She was willing to bless another child even though it would cost her greatly. Her faith in God enabled her to give with open hands, knowing that even though she would miss her doll, God could be trusted with the outcome and that someone out there needed it more than she did. Here we've been teaching our children the importance of sharing and being kind and how God wants us to be generous people and now in the face of an amazing opportunity for Keyana to put this into practice, I was going to squelch the Holy Spirit's prompting! This was a wake up call! Did I want to be the one to stand in the way of her generous heart? No! Did I want to hinder her from listening to the Holy Spirit's voice? No! Did I want to squash the plant that was sprouting from the seed of generosity, placed with in her by God himself? No!
So I choked out a “Yes, you can give her away” and Keyana responded with Cheshire grin, squeezed baby Sally to her one last time, bounced away to lay her doll on the pile and then raced off to her room to find more treasures to give away.
The pile grew as Josiah, Keyana and I continued to collect items to take to the hospital. As the time neared, we loaded up the van and headed off to join the other church members. I knew that there would be many children in the hospital who would love to have a doll and that the decision about who to give it too could be difficult and overwhelming. So on the way to the hospital, I encouraged Keyana to pray and ask God to show her who to give baby Sally too. We joined hands and prayed that prayer together.
When we arrived at the hospital, ladies were there organizing the donated items to go to the children's ward and the male and female wards. At first we were told we could add our items to the piles, but Josiah and Keyana really wanted to personally give away what they had collected. We asked if that would be okay and were assured that it was. So we entered the children's ward with a couple bags of toys and clothes and began to distribute items to each child.
Thankfully, God enabled what we had brought to stretch far enough to cover all the children in the ward. I was worried that we might not have enough and that some would be left out. But such was not the case. Praise God! When we entered, I expected Keyana to rush to the first girl she saw and give her the doll. But she didn't. Instead, she happily took the toys and clothes I handed her and gave them away with a smile, keeping the bag with baby Sally in it, closely by her side. Josiah, seeming a bit uncomfortable at first, quickly warmed up to what we were doing and was excited to give away his animals and trucks and cars to some of the little boys.
I began to wonder if Keyana had changed her mind when we entered a small room, apart from the main ward. Inside, were two little girls. As we approached the end of the tiny room and the little girl on the bed, Keyana grabbed my hand. It was a sight that I'm sure we will never forget. This dear little girl had tripped over the end of a stick that was poking out from a blazing fire. It dislodged from the fire and caused a pot of boiling water to spill all over her body. She was suffering from painful looking burns to her legs, chest, neck, arms and the side of her face. She looked so sad and frightened. As we stood beside her, I felt a tug on my hand and leaned down to hear Keyana say, “Mommy, this is the little girl I want to give baby Sally to.” I smiled through my tears and said “okay” and watched as Keyana took out her precious doll and gently laid her beside the little girl. Her mother smiled, clasped her hands together and kept saying “thank you”, over and over again in Tonga. We left the room to the words of “God bless you” and when Keyana looked back, one last time, she saw her baby Sally snuggled up close to a new little girl.
There have been a couple times since our visit to the hospital, that Keyana has cried and said she misses her doll. But even in those times of sadness her prayer has continued to be, “God, please heal that little girl who had the bad burns and help baby Sally to bring her lots of joy.”
Indeed, the faith of a little child shall lead them! Or more aptly put, the faith of a little child has lead me. ~ Karlene
